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300 Beowulfs

Reading a lot recently.

Not much else to do at the moment. Fabric of the Cosmos is still blowing my mind. I love it. When I finish it, there's a chance I might read it again, this time following all footnotes and getting deeper into the suggested readings. I look forward to reading this book every day. It makes my days much better and more contemplative.

Mornings recently have been strange. Sometimes the weather is just so gray that I don't entirely realize what time it is or that another day has passed.

Sleeping on the couch mostly, even when the bed is empty. That's never really a good sign. I mean, I've always enjoyed sleeping on the couch, ever since I was a kid, so it isn't too bad, but still.

When I fall asleep I no longer have my usual boring dreams. Now I have dreams of the impossible. And even during the dreams I know that. That kinda sucks. To have a dream that you know can't happen even in the dream. That's the beautiful, terrifying power of dreams is that you believe in them while they're happening. But right now, my dreams are the type that I would will to happen if possible, but even while I'm dreaming, I know it isn't real and that it can't happen. Kind of odd, really. It's a strange feeling to be experiencing something you know to be unreal and not, actually happening. You're not tied to it, or the possible outcomes. And yet you experience it. Ups and downs all together.

This, actually, feels very similar to large portions of my life.

I've always been an observer first and a participant second (the opposite of my brother, of course). So I watch games before I play them. I want to know what happens and what to expect before I go headlong into it. This is me. It extends to just about everything. Except that once I've learned something, I love it. I dive into it.

That's the feeling I'm always after. The core of it. The thing that extends across interests and disciplines. To be somewhere somewhat familiar and yet in a place where I can explore new territory. Academics, athletics, whatever. Learn it and then work to master it. Work in a system and work to overcome the system somehow. If that makes any sense at all.

This could, in some sense, be considered a "way" in the sense that multiple eastern texts define way. As in something to dedicate yourself to. The intricacies. The details. Studying for excellence. Dedication to excellence. the classic example would be the way of the samurai, but that always feels overly dramatic. I'm no fucking samurai.

Then again, anywhere the concept of a way is mentioned, it is always made clear that there is more than one way. More than one path. Everyone can reach enlightenment. Just be dedicated to excellence. Tiny details. Lose yourself in it.

In other news, "I am Beowulf" = "This is Sparta" ??

Not sure, but those simple declarative sentences are pretty dope. Similar cadence. Forcefully delivered. If Beowulf fires me up as much as 300 did... It'll be an awesome experience, no matter how it lines up with the text I studied so many times over my academic career.

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"He's just this guy, you know?"